A Beautiful Life Includes Rain

Hospital

Isn’t it amazing, how programmed we are in life? Over and over again, we let our anxiety get us worked up, knowing for damn sure that worry changes nothing. NOTHING. Our bodies are programmed to react with fight or flight. Our cortisol shoots up, our bodies tighten, and our brains are on fire, with worry.

Yesterday, I had a medical procedure done that made my body shudder with fear. Just the name of the procedure, sent shock waves through my entire being. I was scared, no doubt about it. However, my brain knew that rationally I would be fine. Rationally, the pain would be momentary. Rationally, I would get a couple days of rest and relaxation after, and we all want that right?!

It didn’t matter what my brain was telling me, my body knew better. For weeks, I dreaded this procedure. For weeks, my body messed with my brain. I noticed my stomach being tight…. for no reason. My throat constricting….for no reason. My heart racing…..for no reason.

You might be saying to yourself, but you practice Mindfulness, why are you experiencing these reactions still? Because I am human. Mindfulness helps me on a day to day basis, with lessening my reactions to everyday stress. However, we are still human. We still have fear built into us. We still fight to be mindful, when our fear is at its worst, especially if we don’t set a plan for keeping mindfulness on track.

Yesterday was a fight.

The fight reminded me, I am still on a journey.

The fight reminded me, I will still have fear.

The fight reminded me, I am only human.

The fight reminded me, I fear death.

The fight reminded me, I love life.

I…..LOVE……life.

What a beautiful message to land on. I love life. With all of its adversity, fear, negativity, and hardships……I love life.

While I laid on the table with doctors over me, Mindfulness brought me to the place of loving life.

I breathed in gratitude, love, and acceptance. I breathed out through my area of pain. Releasing, fear, anguish, worry, and the fight.

Instant relaxation. You see, while Mindfulness has reprogrammed my brain over the last few years, I hadn’t set any intentions for how I would deal with worry over my health. So my body reverted to old stories, old reactions and old habits. I was a worrier. I feared death, so I worried. My body remembered this, and reacted accordingly, telling my brain to worry. Going forward my intentions are different than how I dealt with this instance of fear.

I will take in information about my health, knowing that it is just more knowledge than what I had before.

I will recognize that knowledge is power.

I will use that knowledge, not to fuel my fear, but to fuel my resolve.

I will use that resolve to calm my body.

I will utilize a calm body to coach my brain.

I will employ my brain, to remind me I LOVE LIFE.

Even these parts of life…..the worry parts, the hard parts, the scary parts. Because, they are going to come friends.

A beautiful life includes rain……a beautiful life includes rain. Lean in to this. As it can guide your thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

I finally reached that mindful place, right there on the hospital table. I felt my brain relax, and lean into the pain. I felt my body  release its programming, and I felt my heart swell with a deep, abiding love for my life, for the people in it, and for the future.

I beat fear yesterday, and I realize my peace could have come sooner, had I prepared appropriately. Had I set my intentions, and been mindful of following those intentions, I could have saved myself from days of fighting fear leading up to this.

Intentions are a plan, a plan to succeed. In life, in fear, in adversity. Intentions lay the foundation for a love of life.

My hope for you, is that you are able to use your love of life in all situations of fear.

Meet fear with love. Let love inform your body. Let love inform your brain. Let love lead your fight. Don’t beat yourself up for having fear…..invite the fear in, and meet it with love.

 

 

 

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